Nostalgia

Okay, so it is Christmas Day, but just barely. 2:15am, lol. I just made a Christmas post, and I didn't want to be a downer to anyone, so I left it upbeat, and decided I would write this and save it as a draft and publish it in a few days. :)

All these holidays and birthdays are really making me sad and dragging me down. It's a time to be with family and celebrate life and love and all the good things, but without Carlos here, it makes it hard. I feel like we should be doing this together. And although I trudge on through, the children should not have to suffer through a mommy who isn't good at coping and it weighs on my heart. I feel like he is missing out on all these precious moments and I have to enjoy them doubly so he can absorb those experiences from me when our family is reunited. I want to represent him to the children until he comes home, so they know he is always present, or at least wants to be more than anything in the world. But I fail. Epically. I am so terrible at being Mother AND Father. Super kudos to all you single mothers who do it everyday. Carlos and I have discussed what we would do if we ever found ourselves in the position of losing the other and having to raise the kids alone. And we both agreed that we would incorporate as much of the other person into our customs and ways of raising the children as much as possible. Thankfully, I haven't lost him, just temporarily, but I really sucked at that! Ha! I can't be Carlos to the children. I am too busy struggling to be me and too preoccupied with doing the very best that I can to make sure they don't grow up too dysfunctional due to all of my shortcomings. All I can do is pray that there was some purpose in God's plan and that they will be blessed and blessings as they become adults, that God will shield them from absorbing anything that doesn't benefit them and make them sponges to the good things he provides. Giancarlo and Carmen-Elena are so very precious to my heart. I guess being a mom teaches you how much you don't know and how incapable you are of handling life, haha, but then once in a while I catch a glimpse of myself through GC's eyes and it never fails to amaze me. Without fail it will happen when I am doubting myself or being super hard on myself for some other epic failure, and he will look at me and say, "Yes you can Mommy, I know you can! You can do anything! I trust you." And just like that, I'm reminded that the things I allow to grow and overwhelm my mind are not as big as I imagined. I take myself way too seriously most times. My dad used to always say not to take life too seriously, because no one gets out alive anyway, life's a bitch and then you die, haha... Anyway, I'm rambling now. That's normal, just so you know... :)

The point of all this? Eh... I'm just feeling nostalgic. :) It gets better! I know! Just hang in there with me. Soon this will all be a distant memory, a precipice in ours lives, a time of spiritual growth and maturity for both of us. I'm thankful for it already, because although it has been hard, this has been a time of grace. Grace has been measured to me in abundance, and Carlos has found grace, maybe for the first time ever, I don't know. I am blessed beyond measure, and I have peace about our upcoming move to Mexico. Thank you all for your continued prayers. I love you all.



Holly

A Very Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone!

It is 2am, and GC just fell asleep, finally. Tomorrow (well, technically later today) is Christmas, and we will spend it with family, good food, and hopefully some wine thrown in there too. :) I didn't get any presents for either of the kids this year, it just feels weird without Carlos here. We didn't make a big deal out of GC's birthday, Nena's birthday, my birthday, Thanksgiving (except with Carlos' family because Abuelita was in town). I know my kids will still get a few gifts from my family, so I'm not worried about GC feeling left out. I will be picking up a Buzz Lightyear bike with training wheels for GC later this week, so I am super excited about that! He is gonna love it! That was originally going to be his gift, but I couldn't get it coordinated in time.

Christmas isn't all about gifts though, and I don't want to instill materialism in my children. After all, the most precious gift you can give anyone is your time. This is a lesson that has really been driven home lately. So if you have your family close, hug them and kiss them, cherish the moments you have, because it is the little, ordinary moments that you miss when you don't. I can't wait to have my family again! It is so close I can taste it, and the suspense is exciting!



Merry Christmas everyone!
The Guerreros

What?! A WHITE Christmas?!

Yay!  I finished all my Christmas gifts!  I didn't know if I was going to make it or not!  But I pushed through, and got it done.  I have to say, I am very proud of myself!  I think my husband was a bit surprised because I am a big goal-setter and list-maker and have these grand ideas, but I don't have much follow-through.  I think I set the bar so high for myself that I get burned out real quick when I realize I can't live up to my own expectations!  Thank God He is a lot more merciful on us than I am on myself, otherwise we would all be in trouble... He is constantly teaching me and reminding me to r e l a x.....  :)

Anywho, we had loads of fun with the family.  I didn't get as many pictures as I would have liked to get of all the gifts I made, but I did remember to get a few before everyone headed home!

Jay-Jay loves Hello Kitty!!

Christmas Eve S'mores

Every year, on Christmas Eve, ever since I was a kid, we have opened one small gift, in anticipation of the following morning.  I always loved that tradition growing up, and I want to carry it on with my children as well.  GC got to open a little die-cast car from Cars 2, Professor Z.  He was thrilled.  Little ones are so easy to please and the pure delight that lights little faces from something so simple is really amazing.

I decided that I wanted to add something to it though, something more substantial than a material item, so we gathered 'round the fire and made some midnight s'mores.  And it was yummy!

The Goods

More Christmas Madness

Guess what we're making?!

Faux-by

Yay!  I've been thinking about making a Moby wrap (aka Faux-by) since the baby was born.  I love baby wearing and I lost my sling from when my son was little.  :(  But it was a simple sling anyway, and I wanted something a little more versatile and that would give me some hands-free nursing time.  But have you looked at Mobys?  They are a little on the expensive side, especially with Christmas so close, who has an extra $50 to spend?  Not me, that's for sure!  So I went "Google-ing"(My favorite thing to do, btw...) and sure enough, I found some great DIY tips for making a Faux-by!  Google never lets me down!  You can seriously find anything...

Crochet, Crochet, Crochet Away!

I love my little helpers!  They make tedious and monotonous stitches and patterns much more interesting...  And sometimes more frustrating...  I have been so, so busy trying to get all 24 handmade gifts done for everyone that, well, I've had to be a little creative in incorporating my mommy duties with my Handmade Christmas Goal...

(Excuse the midriff... Moments before, I was nursing while crocheting...)

Holly Berry Beanie

Oh, how I love this season!!  Especially this year...  I have really been feeling the Christmas spirit since, oh, about August!  I made my husband a Thanksgiving dinner with a ham, giblet gravy, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, eggnog and even some pumpkin pie...  in September...  I don't know if it was the pregnancy that made me particularly excited to welcome this time of year, but I am so glad it is finally here.  Now no one can look at me funny or poke fun when I decide I want to clean the house while jamming out to Christmas tunes because, you know, it's December!